Abode..

In the night,in my space
I sit and feel the contentment inside,
the relief in my heart and the peace in my soul
leaving all the apprehensions behind.

Not a speck is left untouched,
happiness surrounds my entire self.
with the soundness under their shadow,
is where I love to find myself.

All I want is the true existence,
which I feel they accord.
giving me the gratification,
losing which i cannot afford.

Introspecting made me witness,
the misery disappearing,
with all the worries and malaise,
every bit is fading.

In the night,in my space,
when I close my eyes
peace is what I pray to own,
holding on their blessings in disguise.

Expectations

In the closet of my heart
immortal expectations are lurking,
with every beat they intensify
along with the prostration of waiting.

Victim I am,
for people claiming to be the closest
whats wrong if i expect,
after accomplishing them to the deepest.

Why unveiling it is not an option
 if u say you care,
convincing yourself you are,
leaving my soul thirsty and bare.

Difficult is it to understand,
the decent living I long for
cajoling me is what you do,
this is not I am engendered for.

Peep into my eyes,
everything you will know
the droplets of my tears,
will relent your heart with a blow.

Here I go,
consigning everything to the almighty
with time He will heal my pain,
making you realize your culpability.

Divine sanction..

Eccentricity of time enthralled us together,

the charm withheld us,leaving us spellbound

gazing at each other was all that we did,

shyness surrounding us,disallowed any sound.

Young puerile temptation that was

for which our eyes kept talking,

filled with emotions and innocence,

we anticipated for that essence.

Enunciation of words was difficile,

but the never ending silence had to be killed.

After so many tries you finally uttered the magic

leaving my happiness blend and filled.

Life started afresh,

everything turning beauteous and delightful

butterflies rolling in the stomach

making each moment divine and beautiful.

Angelic was I for you,

and you were my paramour,

the affection elevated

each day more and more.

When I look back with overwhelming emotions,

blessed is what i feel

growing up was never this alluring,

be it real or reel.

As the time passes only one thing I wish,

Your stay in my life till the day i die

giving me the ultimate bliss

wherever it may lie.

Identity

My identity is unknown,

a friend for some,for some just an acquaintance,

for some a foe,for some a person with a dual personality,

for some a reason to smile,for some just another formality.

They conceptualize,they fantasize

my job is to please them

and be not what I am

be not who I want to be.

Enjoining me is what they do,unintentional it may be

following it is what I do,avoiding the bone of contention

all content is what they get,

when I adumbrate my illustration.

 I trust them though, ripping off my soul to them

elucidating my emotions,there they see me standing,

all I clamor from them

is a little air of understanding.

Who am I?

The question remains the same.

I am lost in them and they call me insane,

discontentment is all I receive,and nothing goes well in the end.

Lingering for that day is all i can be,

where they see the palpable self

and love me for what I am

not for what they want me to be.

DORMANCY..

Lying down on my bed,I look at the ceiling and think,
All the things are monotonous,unproductive and in vain,
no way out of the solitude,

the leisure turning into lethargy nearing to pain.
The pain of lying dormant,
the dormancy without solace.

There is no peace of mind,
everything else seems to be peaceful,
without any commotion

The purpose of this silence is unknown,
the reason is left untold,
I feel no curiosity,no intrusiveness.

Lying down on my bed, I look at the ceiling and think,
Will this end someday?
the immortality of the dormancy surrounding me,

can never end,
making my life unproductive,monotonous and in vain.

The scintillating LOVE...

In the morning,that shines bright
your face appears in the light.

The brightness reminds me of the happiness you gave ,
the emotions rolling down my heart,
streaming the river of my love.

You made me the morning of your life,
no night can end this unending drive.

walking in the grass with the droplets on my feet,
alleviates my heart and its every beat.

Holding my hand you will always be,
staying like the morning bliss,
granting me the happiness,as i always will.

Reclusion

"I want to be independent in life"..this is the statement given by almost everyone of us as soon as we tend to realize that we have grown up. But everyone of us has a different connotation of 'being independent'. After completing my school, I had no choice but to part with my parents to study in a reputed university. Yes i know it sounds very alluring, living in a PG, going college, converging with people,taking your decisions independently and what not. It seems as if you are going to live your life in the best possible way. I was happy,excited ,anxious..everything was vivaciously active in me on one side and on the other side my heart was solicitously nervous. The idea of leaving my parents behind was freaking me up. But as it was the only option,I was helpless.

I would not say that migrating in this way has not helped me in any manner. It definitely made me a person who I never thought I could be. I had never dealt with any situation,be it a complicated one or the simplest of all without my parents. They were always there to guide me,help me and pamper me. But now I had to do it all alone. The hardest of all for me was to wake up on time for college. And believe me it still is. My mother's bluster had to be replaced by a stupid cranky alarm tone,which proved to be much more irritating and an unsuccessful replacement.  After this next to impossible task came the most interesting one..........'cooking!' This was the only thing I enjoyed. Although I knew the basics but cooking the entire meal and serving it to others was a completely overwhelming experience.

Between all this tussle,you start experiencing and learning simultaneously. I met many people,I made friends and each one of them had an impressive quality which made me admire them.I enjoy being with them.Laughing,shouting,yelling,and screwing with each other until the end of it makes you forget for a while that there is something missing in your life.

It has been almost two years..Life appears to be perfect now but sadly it is not. Its a superficial happiness that surrounds me all the time. I have learnt how to adjust with people. I know how to ignore the deceptive ones. I came to know that people are not always how they appear to be. You cannot completely surrender your feelings or your emotions to someone,you have to be careful in choosing your friends,your companions. They really matter. This is the place where i have suffered the hardest and at the same time lived to the fullest. The void inside my heart can never be filled. The idea of going back home fills my heart with joy. The complete bliss for me is the shadow of my parents, their care,their support and their love.


P.S : mom dad, despite the fact that we are not together everyday,I know you both are always there for me and i would never let you down. I MISS YOU....

Being MATURE..as they say..

This is my first article here,BLOGGING..a completely new experience. So many things going inside my head. I don't know how I chose this to be my first one but lets see how much I succeed in giving justice to my thoughts.

MATURITY has nothing to do with age as far as I am concerned. I  have  seen many people around me with this stereotypical perception that if a person is elder than you or probably 'seems' being so is more mature or wise. I have always been a subject to this kind of a misconception that I may not be suitable for a particular thing just because i probably don't appear to be that mature. These things have always disturbed me somewhere inside my heart.

Your thoughts and mentality really matter when it comes to how sensible and mature you are. I believe there are different perspectives and connotations to everything on this earth. The thing which is right and acceptable for me may not be the same for the other.  My judgments,my way of thinking,my conceptions or misconceptions do not depend on the way i look or appear to people.

People say I look younger than my age and they probably think that i m not mature enough to understand the deceptiveness going around. Sometimes being called a 'kid', a 'little girl' makes me feel good but only for a while, then I start comparing myself with my batch mates that why can't I be considered a sensible and mature person ignoring the way i look.

This is not a complaint letter,but just a few tits and bits of my thoughts on this topic. I want to write more on this but keeping  it precise i'l end it up here with the belief that next time when i face people i build the confidence to talk to them expressively not being conscious of my immatured appearance.